Passed...

I think I might be having some crazy issues. Maybe it's just a combination of regret, anger, and sorrow. Maybe I should be on meds....then again it ain't all that serious. My ex-uncle passed away the other day. Even though he was a druggie and everything under the sun...it brings back a lot of memories of dad and how we won't make any more memories. Too many people dying lately. About a month or so my friend's mom passed too. She emailed me looking for some advice. And all I could tell her is that the hurt never goes away. You just learn to deal with that person not being around anymore. Not even like an ex-gf or bf...just and empty sort of thought. It's hard not to forget their smell or voice. It sometimes makes you want to go hit the perfume store and buy up all of the cologne that person used to wear...just in case you forget the smell. And the longer it has been the harder it gets. In May my father will be dead 3 years now. And till this day I recall his smell and words. I miss him.

I may just think to much about these sort of things. I wonder what will happen at the time I die too. I wonder how people will react. I don't think anyone will completely flip out. I hope I'm really really really old when that happens.

Night time is the worst I think. Every thing comes back to you. Why is it that at 4 in the morning when I have to pee because my bladder is a small pea...is when all the thoughts come to my head?

Really, night time can be lonely. Even if you have someone with you. You wake up and pee and think and listen...for something I suppose I'm listening for. Don't ask me for what because I really couldn't tell you. But all you hear is nothing. The faucet, the house settle, the cat bell, the dog barking, the police siren BUT if you really pay attention and listen closely you can hear your own heartbeat. Isn't that priceless?