the white horse

This is how I'm feeling recently. Some times dreams and dreamers get left behind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzGT0cmyjlc

Say you're sorry. That face of an angel comes out. Just when you need it to. As I pace back and forth all this time. 'Cause I honestly believed in you. Holding on, The days drag on. Stupid girl. I should have known, I should have known.

That I'm not a princess. This ain't a fairytale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet. Lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, This is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now its too late for you and your White Horse, To come around. Baby I was naíve,Got lost in your eyes. I never really had a chance, My mistake, I didn't know that to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me. Happy endings. Now I know. I'm not a princess. This ain't a fairytale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet. Lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, This is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now its too late for you and your White Horse, To come around.

And there you are on your knees. Begging for forgiveness, Begging for me. Just like I always wanted, But I'm so sorry. Cause I'm not your princess. This ain't our fairytale. I'm gonna find someone, someday.. Who might actually treat me well. This is a big world, That was a small town. There in my rear view mirror, Disappearing now. And it's too late for you and your White Horse. Now its too late for you and your White Horse..To catch me now..

long time no see...

I've been away from this blog for a while. Things in life have not been overly great. I wish that this past year never happened. I regret a lot of things that happened in the last year and all I can do is look forward and move on. Leaving behind those who hurt me. I wish I could carry them through but they will have to help themselves this time around. I'm tried of being the one to always say I'm sorry...I'm done being the one who is taken for granted.

Feeling ill

My throat is sore. I'm sleepy and tired. I was going to go out to dinner tonight...but I changed my mind. Imma gonna go home and sleep...

...idk

This weekend wasn't all that bad. I've tried seperating myself as Gen has asked me to do. It's difficult not to blame yourself for what is happening. But it's better than feeling like hell. It comes easy to me to ignore something when someone tells me too. Can I do it the rest of my life? idk. Can I find a way to live like a yo-yo all do to loving him? Am I willing to give up more than I already have?

I have given myself one chance more...just one.

skip week 3

And go directly to 4. Week 4 is this Tuesday. I wanted to have something down on paper...hence the post below...

But what I have to say is now in my memory...

I hope he hears me.

letter...

I wanted to write a letter to Kris. I was really overly excited about it. Then I thought "what the heck kind a letter?" Then I thought a really good NSFW dirty email would spark a fire...idk, maybe it would, maybe it would just make me look like a fucking fool. A fool who can't give up what she loves...

Then I thought I should just write a true letter of feelings...but when I go to write it I break down into tears, the paper gets wet, and the ink smears...Maybe I should use pencil? But is he going to understand a letter of feelings? I don't really thing so...

Maybe a letter of facts. Facts, lists, details?
Maybe a letter of impressions?
Maybe a letter of hatred?
Maybe a letter of intimate thoughts?

I really should just stated what is in my brain and let the pieces fall where they may?

Someone help me...

I refuse

To hurt anymore. I refuse to be upset, angry, stressed, frustrated, bothered, eager...

I refuse...

pain

I'm in pain today. Throbbing headache that won't go away. I took some pills, maybe too many of the but who cares.

Rule number 1

Never, ever, underestimate anyone or yourself under any circumstances. I understand you love him...but really is it worth it?

Time for the soul searching...

WOOT WOOT.

Yeah, I'm insane. Don't get what I just wrote?? Then you don't know me at all....

SMILE big fucking SMILE

week 2

Well, I didn't cry this time. I think that going in one at a time was easier for me to deal with. I handed in my homework and was told how pretty my handwriting is.

I'm feeling calm but not confident...yet.