Confused...

It's been such a long time since I wrote on here. I never have time anymore. Maybe that is a lie. I just don't write. I used to write a lot...with pen and paper. It's amazing the things that you forget to do when life twists around. I miss so much that I had, that I need, that I want. It's hard to put it into words. Maybe I just never had anything to begin with. Maybe I just tricked myself that I had something because I needed something to believe in. I think most of this is a manifestation that I dream up. LMAO. Sometimes I think that I am living in a dream world and pray desperately to wake up. But in reality I know that it can't be done. How hard is it to wake up form a bad dream? You tell me please because I am dying to find the answer to that question. Sometimes the dream itself is tricking and confusing...I wish it wasn't. I wish a lot...